i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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