9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
