3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
