I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
