all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
