Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
