3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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