just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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