fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I look excited, but its just a facade.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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