dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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