Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
