Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
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