I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
