ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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