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Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This house was built for laser tag.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She bit a glass in half.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
