I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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