I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
