my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
