Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
don't judge my taste in strippers
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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