So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
