We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
