she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the day after is always just damage control
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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