I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
