When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
