hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
NoShamevember. You game?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
