haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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