I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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