Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
