I hate all girls vehemently.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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