Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
