NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
