i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
