Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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