You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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