Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
