There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
