i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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