When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
