my vag is so smooth its legendary
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
