i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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