2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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