Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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