1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
