Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
