i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
