i will never coherently bang her
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
