He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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