I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
