i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
