I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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