I love black thongs
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
