One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
