mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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